i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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