I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
