only you would photoshop your dick
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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