Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
