After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
