my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Randomize
