I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So many bounce houses so little time
She bit a glass in half.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
