ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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