im about as happy as oj after his trial
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
