you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
