oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
