But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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