I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
