that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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