Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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