if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
