That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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