You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
