Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
