apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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