And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
