just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
