have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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