honey bunches of taint.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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