I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
