Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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