i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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