carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
