And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
