I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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