Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
