Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
