I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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