i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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