ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
