it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
