He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
