This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
