the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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