obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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