it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
