just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
