im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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