It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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