someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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