You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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