I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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