Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
