the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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