Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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