True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
