She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
