she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
