I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
