so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Still dying that you shit outside
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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