I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
