I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
