i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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