We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
