you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
