imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
