her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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