If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
