dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
