This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
