You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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