did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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