i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
