I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
