if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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