i need an iv and a liver transplant
I look better un-naked...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
