nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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