Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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