her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
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