im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
