actually, I'm a sock model
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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