I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
