I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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