then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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