Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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