Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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