I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
